It was supposedly my last day of work last February 29. I had submitted my resignation for the third time... and yet, I am still working at a job that I have clearly no passion for.
It was kinda fun at the beginning because it was new, I had new friends, new crushies... But now the only motivation for me to get out of bed is the salary and the money (and that I don't want to disappoint my supervisor by having bad KPIs). It's pointless. Sure, everyone needs an income, but it's material and I'm sure I can get another job that I'll be more excited about. I'm also sure I'll get a drastic pay cut if I can change jobs, but I'm really tired working here.
I never imagined myself working at a call center anyway. Pero iba na rin talaga pag nangailangan. My goal was only to work for a year max, like I'll be making it my jumping point in getting back to the "real world." Now I've been here two years!! That's more than enough already.
Besides, I'm really worried about my sanity. There's no growth in this type of job, especially intellectually, and I'm the type who wants to be challenged intellectually and creatively. I've read somewhere that when you go on holiday and just lay around the beach all day, your brain cells actually die from being unused. That's exactly how I feel. (To be blunt about it: nabo-bobo na ako dito.)
Haaayyyy. But why on earth do I keep rescinding my resignation? The first time was to give Bates's suggestion a chance. He's been a really good supervisor since the beginning and I owe a lot to him. That's why I was transferred to the graveyard shift, which is quite okay since my friends are here and I get along better with the night ppl. The second time, there were more people who were aware I wanted to leave and sort of convinced me not to go.
Now I was actually more sure I could finally leave already. I was already in that mindset that come March I'll be on permanent vacation already...yay! But then I overheard my colleagues talking about how we'd be getting salary appraisals and allowance increases again... and I completely forgot to take that into consideration. Uh-oh, more money. It also didn't help that one of them suddenly blurted it out to everyone on the floor, so then everyone knew. I only told Kaye I'd submitted my letter already, and I was planning to tell the rest during my last week. So now I had the weekend to mull over my resignation yet again. That was why I didn't want to tell anyone in the first place! I don't want anyone or any more time to change my mind, but yet I did and it sickens me.
I'm good now because I'm at home in my room in front of my beloved PC, but later when the alarm goes off and I have to go to work... ugh, it absolutely nauseates me. I really go on auto-pilot nowadays when I have to work. I have to because I have to. :-( But isn't it obvious I've no anything for this job anymore. I don't hate it, because hate is an emotion, and if I say I hate it it means I still feel something, but I don't anymore. Like I had a lobotomy. (And please don't let me start on those stupid callers. Ugh. If common sense was actually common, then everyone should have it. But apparently not everyone even has plain sense. *rolls eyes*)
So. What's the battle plan? I'm pretty sure I'll hand in another letter within the next couple of months (that's the pattern), but if I absolutely cannot take it any longer I might hand it in earlier, salary increase or not.
I.DONT.WANT.TO.WORK.HERE.ANY.LONGER.
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