Lomi.
Tokwa't baboy.
Tortang talong.

Champorado with Carnation evaporated milk.
Chicken sopas.
Chicken tinola.

Running on empty.

No, more like fumes. I'm so sick of myself, I don't know what to do, or what I will do. Anger and frustration is not a good combination of emotions to feel, just makes me even more depressed.

I feel like the poor relation everyone is embarrassed to admit they have. Better yet, the aunt locked up in the attic because she's craaaazzyyyy.

Rune reading.

Raidho (r). Eihwaz. Hagalaz. Dagaz.

Ma appeared in my dream this morning. I was finishing something at my Dad's desk. This was at our old house in Pasay. I remember thinking I'd finish it faster if there was a computer. I also remember putting the lamp with the extendable arm back. Then I went to the master's bedroom to check what my mom was doing. Apparently we were getting ready to move, and rather than just keep the stuff she can still use, she boxed everything, even the trash. She even used the old luggage I was planning to throw away, if it was impossible to clean.

Even in my dreams, Ma is a hoarder. They also looked the way they were back when I was a kid. And that dirty suitcase? It's actually on my to-do list right now.

Divided.

I feel, I Know, I can do anything. The problem is what. I want to be everything, too, and it's getting frustrating. Therein lies the dilemma.

Fwogs and other dreams.

The FWOGS were in my dream today. We had dinner/drinks at this bar in a Malate-esque location. K and I had met up earlier and brought food from another restaurant. We left the food at this table where a couple was finishing up their meal, so as to "save" the table when they left. K went to check out other places in the meantime and I waited by a fountain. She was saying hi to everyone, even the workers. When she came back, she had more food and drinks with her, but the food we had left on the table was gone! Somebody stole our food! Or was whisked away in the clean-up when the couple left.

V and M arrived. I remember V was wearing a blue dress, yet proceeded to lie on the couch, explaining she was tired. Some of K's friends were also with us, including an English guy. K whispered, he may be English but he's gay! Why couldn't it have been the English dude he's really hankering for?

Some of my friends were there, too. MA and CC, who was also wearing a really, really short dress. Her dress had a skirt on front, but from behind it was booty shorts. When she turned around, we could see how fit she was. I remember thinking, she must have gotten fit from all the running she's doing. We were wondering how short her outfit, so she hitched up her skirt and showed us. Yep, in front of everybody. It was cut high and MA wondered if she got a bikini wax. CC said no, everything off. MA even touched her leg to make sure! LMAO.

And that's all I remember.

...

Another dream I remember I had some time ago: I was at this huge vintage/thrift shop. I was wearing a voluminous, black ballgown. I saw this glass cabinet displaying lots of jewelry. It was a round cabinet so you were supposed to be able to walk around it, but it was placed at a corner. I opened it and was trying on all the jewelry, mostly the bracelets. There was this one charm bracelet I really liked. It had black gemstones and was really heavy on my wrist. Then my mom was at my side and she said to just get that bracelet if I really liked it. Of course, I did. But I still went on looking at the other jewelry in case I found something else. I just remember how heavy the bracelet was on my wrist.

...

There have been other dreams, mostly just fragments I remembered. The more vivid ones occurring when I slept during the daytime. And of course, because I did not write them immediately, I don't recall these anymore.

Except that heavy bracelet dream. I really remember that one.

Happy 76th, Da

Today would/should have been Da's 76th birthday. It's been 19 long years since he passed but I still miss him terribly. And I do this every year, too, yet it does not get easier. I just hope he's not disappointed with me.