picnic at a valley

A sunny day in a green valley. My family seated around a table heavily laden with food. My father, at the head of table, with his big, charming smile. At his left, my younger brother, and beside him sat my mother. Across my mother was my older brother. I knew Da was happy by the way he was smiling, that he was telling another of his gregarious stories. I knew all that food was prepared and cooked by Ma. I knew that both my brothers were listening to the talk around the table, but were just paying more attention to the food and eating.

There was an empty chair at my father's right. That was *my* spot at our dining table in Flores.

I wanted so badly to run across the field and take my seat at the table.

I was standing in the shade at the edge of a forest of trees. I was holding on to a tree while I saw this familial scene. I could feel tears streaming down my face, too. As I looked down, I saw all I needed to do was to step over the line between darkness and light, and then I would be free to join my family.

I woke up with tears on my face, and that awful aching despair breaking in my heart.

If dreams convey what the subconscious desires, I am not surprised that I have dreamt of my entire family.