Buon compleanno Viggo!

Viggo Mortensen is 50 today, and he's gorgeous as ever... ♥ ♥ ♥ him forever!!!

Dem bones.

My dad's bones were exhumed last week and he was able to visit here for a few days. It sounds so macabre...even I did a double-take when my mom said my dad was on his chair. She was always saying she was going to move him from the Manila Memorial Park to the cemetery in Batangas, where now my Mamay, Nanay, and other relatives also have their final resting place. Now it finally did happen.

There was a part of me that wanted to open the bag just so I could take a look at his bones, but it seemed so disrespectful. This is odd, but I was thinking didn't the Bowler had her dad's skull in her bowling ball? Duh, but that's a movie! Anyhoo. I later learned through my cousin-in-law who was present at the exhumation that there were precautions taken to prevent the spread of microorganisms; the staff was using this (disinfectant?) spray with every step they did in the exhumation process.

(Note: The pix are crappy because they were taken by will-do-for-now camphone.)

Da was reinterred on October 12, 2008. His lapida was also brought along. I assumed they were going to use that, but the caretakers said it wasn't possible, they were going to make a new one. That's because all the markers in that cemetery have the same design for uniformity, which pretty much sucks, there's not much personalization there. My mom insisted they put his epitaph on the new marker, which honestly suits my dad perfectly -- I always thought it was so very him, v. rock and roll! Haha. I really hope they put his epitaph in. We'll see on undas.

A better view of the body bag. It's pretty big, about two feet wide. I thought the label on it was hysterical, it says: Manila Memorial Park "Leading the way". The way to what?!? You can see part of the uniform markers on the left side, all it has is the name, date of birth and death.

My dad's final final resting place.

Resignation FAIL.

Last Wednesday I attempted to submit my resignation for the 4th time, and for the 4th time I've failed yet again. Miserably.

Why do my supervisors always deter me from leaving?!? It's not as if I'm one of the top operators (at least not anymore). More likely because it's part of their job. But how come the other people who just left recently were able to? Did they discourage them as well? Or is it because I gave a "crappy" reason for leaving? I said, wala lang, I'm just tired. As far as I know the others left because they had other job offers.

Isn't my sanity important???

The bottom line is I feel absolutely BOBO already. As in. Do you know I had to use Thesaurus.com and Dictionary.com just now because I couldn't think of the word I wanted to use? Before I could work on my websites all day without looking at any of my references, but now I can't even remember simple scripts or tags.

Use it or lose it.

And it's definitely official: I've sold out. The major factor why I'm extending my employment until the end of the year is the money. If I leave now when there's still a couple of months left, I'll get a huge deduction in my tax next year. I know how big a chunk they get because I've experienced it already. That was the main point my sup was talking to me about. If I was able to extend my stay for a full year (yep, I initially attempted to leave a full year ago), then what's two more months? And as far as she knows, if I leave on December, I wouldn't have to wait for my back pay, 13th month pay, etc., since they'll release it immediately. Accounting would prefer to close all its books at the end of the year, right?

So there ya go. I'm a whore! Pero ayoko ayoko AYOKO na talaga. I'm having mini-tantrums just thinking I'll have to work for two more months! Ugh. I was already in that mindset of going on vacation by November -- in fact, I've even crossed out my calendar as a countdown... then it's for nothing.

Basta by December I'll be out of there. I don't think I'll even finish the month, as soon as the 13th month pay is released... buh-bye.

Eight more weeks. I better start another countdown.

My words are tasty.

I told myself I wouldn't go on CUT this week because I had so many CUTs last week, plus my AUT for Wednesday is approved. But there really wasn't a lot of calls last night -- in fact when I arrived at the floor, only 3-4 agents were logged in!! Even Kaye had gone on CUT.

As expected, the minute I logged in, 5 or 6 slots are offered. So tempting! I was only able to resist at first, but after lunch I gave in. I'm so undisciplined. And will be so poor!!! Ang laki na ng kaltas sa suweldo ko, hahahaha.

Besides, I'd finished the book I was reading, so I was pretty bored already. (Uh, weren't we supposed to take calls?) And the magazine I had didn't have a lot of interesting articles.

...

The book I finished was Anderson Cooper's Dispatches from the Edge. I had just bought it on my last Book Sale run... and it cost only P20! (The other book I got was only P10, Jonathan Franzen's The Discomfort Zone, which is also a memoir.)

I was aware his brother committed suicide, I may have seen that on Oprah, but I wasn't aware his mother is Gloria Vanderbilt. What really struck me was that he went to Somalia on his own he was 25 years old to make his own news footage, just so he could work as a correspondent. If that's not initiative and bravery, I don't know what is. (I left the book at the locker, so I can't check right now...and it's killing me. I want to quote properly.)

It was a pretty quick read, finished it in two days in between calls. (I could've read it in a couple of hours straight if I was a bum.) I read some of the reviews on Amazon and they said it wasn't "personal" or insightful enough. But it is -- it's through his work and coverage of the wars, the tsunami & the hurricanes that he realizes his feelings on the loss of his brother, and his father's efforts to show the importance of roots and family. My own complaint is it was short -- it ended 2005 with his reporting on Hurricane Katrina (incidentally, there's a good photo of the hurricane on the Wikipedia.) I'm kinda hoping he'll write another one; he's an engaging writer and it is interesting to know a journalist's viewpoint.

No rest for the wicked.

Since I started working the night shift, I've been averaging about 3-4 hours sleep. Mary Anne says that's alright, but I still feel tired. I want my full 8 hours. As a matter of fact, one time I went to bed at 10 in the morning... and slept my way through until 4 a.m. the following day. I want those days again when I can sleep all day. Yeah, I can finally admit now I like sleeping :-/

...

Does it make us illegally employed if we still haven't signed new contracts? Our contracts ended September 30, 2008. My goody-goody side wants to report this to the authorities. Hah. As if.

...

It seems I'm not the only one wanting to leave the company. I just learned a couple others are planning to leave, too, but I'm unsure if it's already definite and they've submitted their resignation letters already.

...

When I do leave, I want to take the photography workshop at FPPF. I've been wanting to take a class since Goddess knows when (nasa Pasay pa yata kami nakatira). Even Charmaine has taken the class way ahead of me, I think she's taken the advance workshop already.

But of course, I still have to take my SLR for repair and/or cleaning. Haaaayyyy.

There's just this need for me to be creative right now. Now I know I am truly dead if I have no avenues for expression or creativity.

To CUT or not to CUT.

That was the question I was asking myself last night. There wasn't a lot of calls, and they offered it pretty early for my shift: five slots until 0600. And it was only around 9:00 p.m.; I had only logged in for an hour!

The dilemma was with the leave accrual. We earn a leave credit if we're at work for four hours. I'm thinking since I have work on Wednesday nights, no problem, I'll get the credit. But then they said the credit was only for last night, and after 12 midnight, you weren't getting any credits anymore. Huh? But it was still September 30 last night, October 1 -- the holiday -- was still on midnight. (Duh.) But that was how it was. How strange....

Anyway, I've come to a point where I don't care anymore. I just want to go home. I don't want to work anymore. So I went on CUT 0911.

Yeah, it was impractical of me to do that. I could've waited several more hours and earned a leave credit. Most likely another CUT would've been offered (but then again, maybe not.) Plus my salary is going to be deducted with all the undertime I took this pay period.

I truly don't want to continue working there anymore. I'm so sick of it. The only thing keeping me there is the regular income.

Besides, I've come to a decision to leave at the end of this month. It's been a full year since I first attempted to resign, might as well try again. I'm just tired.

(Another thing, our contract ended September 30, 2008, and there hasn't been any renewal yet. So technically they could do anything to us. The 'joke' is we're like floating employees right now. Knowing how unfair our company can be, who knows what could happen... )

...

Another two months since my last post! It's because of this damn job. I'm really stressed out, and even though I want to write, I still get lazy about it. (Then again, if I did, I would write the same thing over & over again.)

See, I think I'm losing my ability to express myself because I'm depressed again. Poor me.

I need a break.