picnic at a valley

A sunny day in a green valley. My family seated around a table heavily laden with food. My father, at the head of table, with his big, charming smile. At his left, my younger brother, and beside him sat my mother. Across my mother was my older brother. I knew Da was happy by the way he was smiling, that he was telling another of his gregarious stories. I knew all that food was prepared and cooked by Ma. I knew that both my brothers were listening to the talk around the table, but were just paying more attention to the food and eating.

There was an empty chair at my father's right. That was *my* spot at our dining table in Flores.

I wanted so badly to run across the field and take my seat at the table.

I was standing in the shade at the edge of a forest of trees. I was holding on to a tree while I saw this familial scene. I could feel tears streaming down my face, too. As I looked down, I saw all I needed to do was to step over the line between darkness and light, and then I would be free to join my family.

I woke up with tears on my face, and that awful aching despair breaking in my heart.

If dreams convey what the subconscious desires, I am not surprised that I have dreamt of my entire family.

30 kms

Ma was in my dream this time. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at somebody's wedding, but there were still hours before he ceremony so we were at this bookstore (nbs). I remember seeing Zafra books for only 25. I was also on the phone with a college classmate, and the reception was really bad I couldn't understand what they were saying but I was trying to. We were supposed to look for another classmate whose surname was Antik, but we went to the bookstore row instead. Then I remembered I forgot to bring shoes for the wedding. Ma said she'd accompany me to the market. I asked her if it was already open at that hour because I could just buy cheap shoes. I also thought why not just go back home. Ma said it was like 30 kms walk to the market through the mountains, I'd still get there faster. I woke up when she said 30 kms.

The palengke, I've dreamt of before. I wish I could go there IRL because there are some neat stuff, mostly stuff I like. Literally my dream market. It's near a church.

The mountains/bundok, I've walked in in previous dreams.

Rice cooker

I dreamt of my brother today. I was cleaning our very big kitchen when he walks in and says he's going to the mall to buy a new rice cooker. Although we had three rice cookers, these were all very well used and small. He said he wanted to get one big cooker. He even put a small rice cooker inside a larger one to see how big the appliance he was going to get.

He looked very healthy and young.

I woke up and realized it was mealtime already and I was going to go downstairs to ask my brother what we wanted to eat, and then I remembered he was gone and I am alone.

Ma appeared in my dream this morning. I was finishing something at my Dad's desk. This was at our old house in Pasay. I remember thinking I'd finish it faster if there was a computer. I also remember putting the lamp with the extendable arm back. Then I went to the master's bedroom to check what my mom was doing. Apparently we were getting ready to move, and rather than just keep the stuff she can still use, she boxed everything, even the trash. She even used the old luggage I was planning to throw away, if it was impossible to clean.

Even in my dreams, Ma is a hoarder. They also looked the way they were back when I was a kid. And that dirty suitcase? It's actually on my to-do list right now.

Fwogs and other dreams.

The FWOGS were in my dream today. We had dinner/drinks at this bar in a Malate-esque location. K and I had met up earlier and brought food from another restaurant. We left the food at this table where a couple was finishing up their meal, so as to "save" the table when they left. K went to check out other places in the meantime and I waited by a fountain. She was saying hi to everyone, even the workers. When she came back, she had more food and drinks with her, but the food we had left on the table was gone! Somebody stole our food! Or was whisked away in the clean-up when the couple left.

V and M arrived. I remember V was wearing a blue dress, yet proceeded to lie on the couch, explaining she was tired. Some of K's friends were also with us, including an English guy. K whispered, he may be English but he's gay! Why couldn't it have been the English dude he's really hankering for?

Some of my friends were there, too. MA and CC, who was also wearing a really, really short dress. Her dress had a skirt on front, but from behind it was booty shorts. When she turned around, we could see how fit she was. I remember thinking, she must have gotten fit from all the running she's doing. We were wondering how short her outfit, so she hitched up her skirt and showed us. Yep, in front of everybody. It was cut high and MA wondered if she got a bikini wax. CC said no, everything off. MA even touched her leg to make sure! LMAO.

And that's all I remember.

...

Another dream I remember I had some time ago: I was at this huge vintage/thrift shop. I was wearing a voluminous, black ballgown. I saw this glass cabinet displaying lots of jewelry. It was a round cabinet so you were supposed to be able to walk around it, but it was placed at a corner. I opened it and was trying on all the jewelry, mostly the bracelets. There was this one charm bracelet I really liked. It had black gemstones and was really heavy on my wrist. Then my mom was at my side and she said to just get that bracelet if I really liked it. Of course, I did. But I still went on looking at the other jewelry in case I found something else. I just remember how heavy the bracelet was on my wrist.

...

There have been other dreams, mostly just fragments I remembered. The more vivid ones occurring when I slept during the daytime. And of course, because I did not write them immediately, I don't recall these anymore.

Except that heavy bracelet dream. I really remember that one.

Even in my dreams, my mom's hoarded stuff haunts me. Today I dreamt I was back at my homeroom in the sixth grade. I was looking through the drawers when I found stuff with my mother's name on it. It was strange to find her things at my school, so I just decided to take all of it home with me. There was even more in the other drawers.

The other part of my dream I recall: I was here at home taking a shower in my bathroom, then realized I wasn't even in my tub while I was doing it. I also noticed the mirror on the wall was gone.

Subconscious (Lee).

I've mentioned before how this is turning into some dream journal, because hey, what else can I report on?

Is it strange that the dreams I have lately, or parts of it that I remember, signify hope and removal of obstacles (at least according to the dream interpretation websites) when actually in reality I feel absolutely frustrated and flustered? What does it really mean if all put together? Am I correct in assuming that despite all these physical hardship, no matter how depressed I may feel about it consciously, inside I am resilient and will overcome these hurdles? Is that truly part of my character?

I'd like to believe so, because it is one little thing that keeps my hopes up.

Dreamt I kept being sucked under waterfalls then thrown out into the air. While airborne I could see light refracted by aircraft. (?)
— Ouiser Lee ✘✘✘ (@suplada) December 21, 2011

That was what I tweeted after having that particular dream. I can still see it in my mind. There were actually two waterfalls across from each other. I went under one waterfall, down into the water, and the pressure from the falls was so great that it throws me out of the water and right into the other waterfall, where I get sucked down again underneath it, and it's just like an endless loop. But while I'm up in the air in between those waterfalls, I could see a rainbow. At one time, the rainbow was being refracted from an airplane. I remember thinking, that's nice, and then back into the water again. Oddly, while I was being bounced around, I wasn't even panicky. It was more incredulous that something like that could and was happening. (Of course, it's a dream!)

MA interpreted it for me. She said that I may be frustrated, but despite that I still find hope.

Recently I dreamt I turned on all the lights in the house and didn't care if anyone thought it was wasteful of electricity or what the neighbors said. I'm not even sure if it was this house or a hybrid of our Pasay house and this one. (Interestingly, usually when I dream of being in my own home, it is always set in the Pasay house.) I actually felt good about having all the lights on and I could see better.

Yesterday I remember part of my dream where I was brushing my teeth really vigorously the paste was creating a lot of foam. Dream Moods interprets it that:

To dream that you are brushing your teeth refers to your level of confidence, your struggles and your aggressiveness. You need to look out for yourself and your own interest. Perhaps, you feel that your position is shaky.

The other day I also dreamt I was in this room, I didn't recognize where I actually was, but there were lots of cobwebs and I was brushing them off my face. Again, not in the panicky, instant-ninja-master kind of way. Now I remember there was even some light coming from a window somewhere. Dream Moods interpretation is:

To see cobwebs in your dream suggest that you have not reached your full potential. Your talents are not being utilized. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are neglecting your responsibilities, talents, or some issue.

Myths-Dreams-Symbols concurs saying it is about unused talents or indecision.

But I was removing the cobwebs from my face, does that signify I have made some firm decisions? I do know I am neglecting some responsibility, that is why I am trying me best by making up for it in other ways. (Still, it is very frustrating when other people refuse to acknowledge.)

...

My subconscious: it knows more about me than I do.

Dancing at stairwells.

Dreamt I was part of some dance group. And we did our routine in stairwells. We weren't dancers, we were more like gymnasts, too. And we kept going through this routine in a circular stairwell. People would stop and watch as we danced, or more appropriately, dangled down from banister to banister. Then we would move over to another stairwell which was rectangular. We were probably rehearsing because we repeated it over and over again. The other members looked like Irina from Project Runway and Heather Morris from Glee. When we went back up to start over, we met Angelina Jolie and she was very haughty. Was it because she wasn't part of our group? A younger version of Shiloh was also there. She kept telling me she wanted me to take her to a fast food place because the last time we went, I didn't get her a toy from the kids' meal. I kept assuring her we will go once I finish practicing.

Gerard Butler was there, too! I saw him the first time we went down and changed stairwells. He was drinking with two other friends. Strange because I think the rectangular stairwell was a cross between our old street and school quad. I was so stunned to see him and wanted to talk, but even in my dreams I couldn't think of anything to say. Torpe talaga! They were already walking away and I felt like I was losing yet another chance. There were other girls hounding him and were bragging to us that they really knew him, yet he didn't react when they kept calling him. Irina and Heather were telling me to show them the ring, show the ring! and when I looked at my hand, I was wearing this ring that apparently he had given me -- I automatically knew that just by looking at it. It even looked like those old rings with very fine filigree. It looked like silver, but had lots of tiny diamonds. Was it an engagement ring?! That I don't know. All I know I was still stunned that he had given me a ring. And he just kept looking at me even as we walked away from each other.

I finally managed to say something to him. He had taken off his shirt and he didn't look as buff as he did in 300. So I shouted, "You're getting fat!" He just shrugged it off. I thought he was going to be mad. But at least I got a reaction. Those other girls didn't.

...

This is turning into a dream journal ha.

Moving walkways.

My mom was in my dream today. We were at this hotel, kinda like the Philippine Plaza (is it still that?), the one in the CCP area. Either we were just going to visit someone there, or we were only checking in for the day. Somehow in the midst of exploring the hotel, my friend (Charmaine) and I managed to stumble onto a concert hall area where there was a rehearsal. Apparently it was supposed to be closed door, and the guards tried to boot us out, but we said we were guests. We did catch a bit of it, but then the walkway started moving. The hotel was equipped with moving walkways and at first I thought we would just move to the backstage area, but we were transported beyond that, something like a lobby but unsure if it was the main one. We even got off the wrong platform and the guards were still keeping an eye on us and said to move to the other door. When we got through that, we went down some regular stairs and there was a kid looking up at us, sitting there on the middle of the stairs. She wouldn't move so I stepped on her just so I can get down. The kid was incredulous. At the lobby, I found my mom who was wondering where I went. I told her we kinda got kicked out. But she still had stuff left in her room, so we went back up to get them.

While we were exploring, we found some of our high school batchmates and teachers. They were having  make-up tests (?) so the others can make it to graduation (!). I even managed to glimpse somebody's paper and the grade wasn't that good at all.

This dream also ties up with another dream I had before. I was with another friend (Mellow) and we were looking at all the rooms in this house, I think it was like a model house and we were choosing our favorite rooms with the nicest design and decorations. This time I was looking at a brochure with design plans on it, and the rooms were the ones I had already "physically" in my previous dream had been to. Since I'd already seen it, Charmaine decided to look at it on her own. I even told her she went through it backwards -- she went to the last room first before actually going all the way down to the first room. That house had three floors with three rooms in it, each floor had the same theme/motif and it carried through the other rooms, but each floor was decorated more lavishly than the last.

...

My mom doesn't appear in my dreams often, so when she does it is pretty memorable. She even looked the way she was before she was married, v. continental and all.

Crash.

I was going to say I had a strange dream today, but then all dreams are strange.

I was with my grade school best friend and we were going somewhere. She flagged this service van and we rode up front. I heard her ask the driver if it was going to our destination and I remember thinking I never heard of that place before, but now I don't recall the name.

Before getting on the vehicle, I had also seen airplanes out in the water (river?). These were local airlines and I was surprised, I didn't know they had seaplanes as well. But these were the big jumbo jets or airbuses, not the small planes. I remember what airline it was but am keeping it to myself.

As we were travelling on the road, two airplanes fly up one after the other. The first plane dipped and did some kind of somersault in the air. At first, we were scared. We thought it was going to crash but it righted itself. But just a few moments later, it did that somersault again and  did crash. Like a chain reaction, the second airplane also crashed. Now we were really shocked and got panicky. By this time I was walking on the street already.

When I looked around, somehow I transported myself to a hotel rooftop. It was raining. There were other people there and we could see the plumes of smoke from the crash. That rooftop was weird because I knew we were up there, yet it had a garden and shops and streets! There was even a salon and I may have had a few things done, too.

I remember someone had a rifle and was target shooting, but there was no range. He or she managed to shoot one of the street lamps and some of the people were angry. I thought what was shot looked like a bee hive or wasp's nest.

It was still raining. We could get raincoats and change into them at these dressing booths. In the booth I used, somebody was with me and I just said he could use the raincoat instead.

...

There's that theme again with this dream: air and water.